Photo by Matt Fielding

Written by Malashree Suvedi

Infinity eats into infinity,
hungry with chaos and death,
the eternal footman snickers,
and even the bald gods bicker.

Darkness always repeats itself,
as light laughs alone,
Death annexes frigid stars,
as lighthouses lay awake.

We’ve walked with winners,
talked to tattling tools too,
Been between bulging bedsheets,
laughed, loved, lied, led, lost.

I like my eggs to be scrambled
And my love to be jumbled
I like my words to be salted
And my thoughts to be spiced.

I’ve led you to the beginning,
And you, my lonely tunnel to nowhere,
Have shown me wars fought by dead soldiers,
Shadows merge with the darkness,
And we lose ourselves to the pain.
Forever has a way of meeting in your eyes,
All so that I can think of love when I see you cry.

The weight of your dead body on my lips,
The feel of your bones in my hips,
Remind of that I will die alone.

Infinity eats into infinity.

I feel like I am connected to you by a string
that unwinds faster and faster with each moment that I age
and I know, If I put one foot in front of the other,
I get closer to my pyre burning all my desires to a great fire,
I want to be closer to you again, so I walk.
Even if it means arriving early to my own funeral.

So tell me, If time doesn’t exist then why does it make mortals of us all?
We’re drifting away and apart,
And I wish I were chained to where you are
I would become an anchor anchored at the bottom of hell chocking for breath,
burning alive, if I could keep both of us at bay.

I have seen God in your warmth, I have seen God in your words.
Darling, we’re all just particles dancing to an unheard tune,
fooling our untrained eyes,
teasing our easily swayed perceptions,
we’re all just breakable, brittle bones,
Just blood that flows easily,
Just hearts that want to live.
You and I are both mortal, regardless of the existence of time,

You are not God, you are home.
You are my home.

Whence does the universe come from?
Is it a tree that grows out of the soil, or a lake that flows out from the mountains?
Darling, I know that these questions sound wise,
But all it is, is cowardice,
We have to accept, We come from nothing and for nought,
We’re born in the dark and die in the dark,
and much of the in between is also dark,
If you breathe in the stark night,
it possesses your lungs, and stars begin flowing through your veins.
Then surely we’ll drift away and apart, like stars hurling across the cosmos.
I once went to meet god to ask her about life, the universe had hung a ‘do not disturb’ sign on her door,
I wanted to talk to the stars, they laughed at my humanity
and hung a ‘Fragile: Handle with care’ sign around my neck

Give. Sympathise. Control
And please hope for peace
because when the god puts his foot down
tired from all the dancing
when his firmness overtakes his love for us
the universe will have its ending
A gateway to the forthcoming.

But that’s okay
what do stars know,
they’re distant, cold, and dead.

Our existences might be in vain,
but you give me shade like a tree that grows past God’s abode,
and you quench my thirst with a fountain that no mountain could replicate.

You are not God, you are home.

I apologise for the all the epilogic
reprise that prefaces all my words, actually
all I really want to say is that I am sad.

I feel like I am floating in the vast nothing
of space while still drowning in the vast everything
of my soul. It hurts my spine, I cannot stand straight.

It has been an eternity since I saw you last,
since our drunken bodies loved the cold, as much our minds the stars.

Our rhythms were always off,
but we danced with the might of a herd of bisons stampeding the plains.
Were we running away or towards something?
It has been an eternity since we succumbed to the night and our lungs felt like they were dying.
We’re all dying. But I love you.

You are not God, you are home.

I would abandon eternity,
I would abandon God,
for home.